worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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