Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
