this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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