Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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