Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
