did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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