I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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