Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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