Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
