I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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