i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
