i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
