I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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