you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
