i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
