just tell him i said nine months
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
