I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
