I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
