love makes seman taste better
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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