i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
