You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
