I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
