She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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