he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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