ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
