I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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