it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
