Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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