doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You dont lie about slip and slides
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
