I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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