I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
