who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
