1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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