Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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