I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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