you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
