He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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