i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
