are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i've created a new STD.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize