She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
