You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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