someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
