I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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