Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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