if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
