we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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