It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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