Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
