Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
