Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
