i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
