So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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