your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm like, not good at living.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
