new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
