The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
