I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize