So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
