He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
