I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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