I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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