A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
