why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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