I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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