u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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