Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
