my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
