3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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