Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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