im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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