By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
