I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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