So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
