then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
