if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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