It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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