can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize