Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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