honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
