I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
