i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
