Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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